Show Me Your Glory

Exodus 33:18 And Moses said, “Please show me Your glory.”

Show Me Your glory. We sing this phrase in multiple worship songs these days. We cry out for God's glory to fall in a room. What are we asking for, really? I always want to get past the language of Christianese, which the church is full of, and make sure I understand what I'm speaking or singing...like, when we pray for a "hedge of protection" around people. Tim Hawkins, a Christian comedian, has ruined this Christianese phrase for me. A hedge? Really? Is that the best we can pray for is a shrub??? Why not a stone wall or a mountain pass? What if the devil has hedge trimmers?? OH BOY! But, I digress!

What is God's glory? AND, I find it interesting that Moses, who witnessed the most of God's amazing wonders in all of the Old Testament, is the one asking this. Hasn't Moses witnessed enough? What more is there?

WHAT DID MOSES EXPERIENCE WITH GOD BEFORE ASKING TO SEE HIS GLORY???

*The audible voice of God from a burning bush (Exodus 3).

*His rod would turn into a serpent (Exodus 4).

*His hand could turn leprous and then be healed again whenever he wanted (Exodus 4).

*Pillar of fire, pillar of cloud (Exodus 13:21-22).

*The wealth of Egypt was given to Israel (Exodus 12:31-36).

*The Red Sea opened up and millions of people walked across dry land (Exodus 14:21-22).

*The greatest military power of the day is destroyed supernaturally (Exodus 14:23-28).

*The bitter, acidic waters of Marah were turned sweet and millions drank to their fill (Exodus 15:22-27).

*The entire nation of Israel is supernaturally fed with manna and quail (Exodus 16).

*Water came out of a rock and watered an entire nation (Exodus 17:1-7).

*In battle, when Moses held his hands up, they won; when he put his hands down, they would begin to lose (Exodus 17:8-16).

*Mt. Sinai was covered with smoke and fire, lightning shot out from the fire, the mountain shook violently, and a supernatural trumpet blast sounded from the mountain (Exodus19). 

*Moses was caught up to the sapphire pavement with Aaron and the elders. They saw God and God shared a meal with them (Exodus 24:9-11) 🡪 they SAW the God of Israel! 

*The finger of God wrote the law on tablets (Exodus 31:18). 

*God spoke to him face to face as a man speaks to a friend (Exodus 33:11).

I read this list and think, wouldn't he be undone just by picking one of these events? The parting of the Red Sea?? Come on!! Look at all God did in front of Moses and the Israelites. Incredible signs and wonders, incredible power, incredible rescue from their enemies, incredible provision and care. And yet, this isn't enough for Moses. He's still asking, after all this time to see the glory of God! There must be something more. There must be something beyond what God can do, beyond the sign and the wonder. There must be because Moses is asking a question that the Israelites never asked. They saw and experienced all the same signs and wonders, and yet their faith was weak, their obedience faulty, their thankfulness and worship no where to be found. Moses was on a different quest beyond having his needs met by God. He wanted to know God...personally, intimately.

I feel like a big portion of my life has been about this similar quest. I enjoy signs and wonders, the seen activity of God. I desire them. I desire the day when I will see people walk into our sanctuary with cancer and leave healed. I want the manifestation of His hand. But, through a season in my life, I learned that there is more than this. It was through a process of waiting and trust. I learned it in a season when God's hand wasn't moving in the visible way I wanted it to. I learned it in a season where God was working for almost 20 years on the hidden areas of my heart that needed transformation. For these areas, a sign or a wonder or an immediate answered prayer wouldn't cut it. I needed the glory of God. For 20 years every day I asked God to give me a husband and children. The request and desire for this became more desperate as through the years I watched my friends, my sisters, kids I babysat get the things I was begging God to give me. It was painful. Hard. It was disappointing. It was not a joyful waiting or begging. But I knew God was doing something. I knew that something was bigger than His answer to my request. I didn't fully know what that was, but I knew to not move ahead of Him. I knew enough to allow Him to do the reconstructing work on my heart...through every wedding, every wedding shower, every baby shower.

After many, many years, I became desperate for God to end this season of waiting. But the request in my heart changed. I no longer asked Him for a spouse or children. He knew what I wanted. I realized that it was I who didn't know what He wanted. So, my request changed from "gimme," to, "Lord, settle me in what You're doing. I don't want your goodness to be proved by an answered desire. I want to know Your goodness before You answer."

Look at how God responds to Moses in the next verse

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Then He said, “I will make ALL MY GOODNESS pass before you, and I will proclaim the Name of the Lord before you. I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.” 

Wait...Moses asked to see God's glory and God's response is about His goodness??? God's glory is His goodness. God's glory is not defined by His answer to my prayers or desires, though that can be a part of His goodness. But His goodness is bigger than His ability to meet my desires. I realized that my whole life I've been basing God's goodness on what He can do for me. But in that long season of my life, God wasn't doing what I wanted and I had to come to terms that God's goodness is bigger than a husband and children. What If God never brought those people into my life? Is He still good? I desperately needed to know that this was true. I, like Moses, wanted for nothing more than to see His very essence, His glory.

For many years, a decade at least, on a daily/nightly basis I had a running voice in my head saying things like, "Look how lonely you are! One more night crying when no one is here to comfort you. When will you get married? What's wrong with you that this hasn't happened yet? You're getting too old to have children. Time's running out for you! Does God really listen to you? You're not doing enough for Him...that's why He doesn't answer." It was an obsessive voice that played on repeat all day and often even in my dreams.

Until one day.

One moment.

I fell asleep the night before and my last words to God were, "Lord, do in me what I cannot do. Make me content in who You are." I woke up that next day. I got out of bed and walked down the hall...and stopped. The voice. IT WAS GONE! My head was silent. So silent it was deafening. It stopped me in my tracks. And after years of turmoil, grief, anger, frustration, self-created humiliation...in it's place, I had peace. I don't know how, but I am 100% sure that God's goodness, His glory visited me that night while I slept...without a husband, without children, without an answered desire. In His kindness, He gave me this gift without the answer. He let me experience His goodness before the gift so that I wouldn't only equate His goodness with a gift, but with Him. Now, I have my Michael and my 3 girls and they fill my life with so much joy and purpose. They daily remind me of God's goodness, but they are the not the extent of God's goodness for me because if one day they were all gone, how would I stand if God's goodness were only based on the gift that they are? God is my only request now. I stand on Him and Him alone. This is the result of asking God to show me His glory. It's not to see a sign and a wonder. The result is a stronger stance on who God is. I will never waver on God's goodness again. It's solidified in my heart. My stance was made stronger...and for that, I would never trade that long season of waiting, wondering, weeping and watching.

Lord, show me Your glory. Let Your goodness pass before me. Above all other desires, I want to know You beyond what You can do.