The Kindness of Conviction

Yesterday morning I led worship at Redeemer. It's one of my favorite things to do while existing on this planet...definitely on my top 5 list. It was a great morning. Our congregation is such a family. It is feeling more and more that our weekly gatherings our cozy times in God's living room.

Today I've been reflecting back on what happened yesterday as I often do on Mondays. I was looking at our time of worship, seeing the faces and different outward expressions of worship that were displayed. Yesterday morning was one of those days I felt completely scattered in thought and focus. It's mornings like that I am aware and thankful that His presence comes out of His love for His people...not based on my perfection or performance.

As a worship leader/musician, there is this inward struggle that takes place of keeping my eyes on Him and what is on His heart vs. looking for instant gratification from the outward expression of worship from people to make me feel good in my role. In other words, because God has more work to do in my heart, I still struggle sometimes with gauging how I am doing as worship leader on how vibrantly people express praise outwardly (raising hands, yelling, dancing, kneeling, etc). If people are yelling and creating a raucous, I MUST be doing a good job! This is so dangerous because then it becomes all about me and my need to feel good. I realize yesterday that my thoughts were centered on looking for personal affirmation more than they were centered on magnifying (making bigger) my Father. Now...because God loves me and loves our people so much He did not withhold Himself yesterday because of my stupid mindset! Thank You, Jesus! It's because His presence isn't founded on my successful or failed performance. He just Is.

I am so thankful and needy of God's kind conviction. He only brought this to my mind to make me more like Him. He only brought this to my mind to make me a better daughter and leader. He only brought this to my mind out of love for His church. What if I served a God who left me in my current condition, with no hope of reform? I feel that I've had a few weeks now of being in a state of God's discipline. The Book of Hebrews says it is proof that He loves me. So, today I'm excited about His discipline...I'm excited about His gentle reminder that leading worship is not a job task for personal gain. And, I'm excited for His mercy that allows me the privilege to live my life to magnify Him. Today I get to start over and do it better.

God is good.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pride in Identity

Image
It 's "pride" month.  So...I've been spending every day this month so far looking at what God's Word says about "pride," reminding myself of His truth. The Bible has much to say about pride. Not one of those things is positive. The Jesus-follower has no room for pride, should have no place in it, no connection at all. So to have an entire month out of our year devoted to "pride," setting aside what this month boasts of even, is mind boggling to see any Jesus believer supporting it. The basis of "Pride Month" is the celebration of self, celebration of the identity one embraces. Self is exalted above the good of any other person or being. Self is worshiped. This is the core of pride, all pride. Self worship over God worship.  I'm thinking much about our culture, as I'm sure most of you are, too. I'm thinking of it's direction. I'm thinking of how worldly and unwise it is in its pursuits and thinking. The surface self
Read more

Clear Glass, Stained Glass: Worship God vs Worshiping Worship

Image
  A few weeks ago, I was working on my Bible study and the lesson referenced a story from Numbers 21 that made me feel confused, honestly. It's a story about the Israelites who had yet again grown impatient with God and crabby about the food He was giving them and well, just plain mad about their deliverance wilderness experience! So, God, in response to their faithlessness in His promise to provide, protect and deliver, sent "fiery snakes (vs 6) among the camp and they bit the people, and many died. This caused a wave of repentance among the Israelites. They took responsibility and stopped the complaining. And so, God instructed Moses to make a fiery serpent and set it on a pole and anyone who looked at it would be healed and live.  This was confusing to me.  So, I dug in and began to look at what this snake on a pole was all about. The snake on a pole wasn't magical, so what was its significance? I found it mentioned again in the book of 2 Kings 18 where, many years late
Read more

What to Do When You Don't Know What to Do...

Image
"We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You."  2 Chronicles 20:12, this verse that comes in the middle of the unknown, the fear, the grasping at straws for the next move. This verse that is uttered out of the mouth of King Jehoshaphat, who's country is on the brink of war, outnumbered by a pagan, demonized military advancement. The Moabites and Ammonites had encamped around Judah. They set up camp as a military strategy. As they camped, they slowly moved into Judah, with all of their pagan practices and worship of other guys. Their strategy was to cause the Israelites to slowly compromise their commitment to God, the one true God. As they moved in, Judah was pushed to shift and lower standards to accommodate pagan standards. They were pushed to comply with the world - it's points of view, it's way of living, it's way of worship, it's fearful/human response to life in general. To comply. To panic.  In the middle of this comes 2 Chronicles 20:12. &qu
Read more